Posted in fabo story, Prizes!, The Winners!

Kyle’s judge’s report

What an evil bunch of writers you are! Most of you seemed to enjoy the idea of turning your parents into slaves. And for all sorts of reasons, too. Emma wanted to use her slaves to fulfil a dream, Sophie was out for revenge, Nik wanted to prove mind control was possible and Hine’s parents were going to be substitutes for the dogs she wasn’t allowed to have. There were zombie apocalypses and plans for world domination, too, with a Shrek and a wishing well thrown in for good measure.

Lucas and Noah wrote terrific chase scenes which left me breathless. Emma created a lot of suspense before leaving the story hanging on a knife edge … literally. Phoebe ate 10kgs of chocolate before blowing herself up. While Jonas’ parents were turned into babies. And poor Natasha’s parents are still slaves giving her money every day.

Of course a couple of softies decided they preferred to have parents than slaves. Peyton decides – “a servant is basically like a mother but doesn’t feel love.” While Libby had second thoughts after forgetting Screw number 53.

Some very weird imaginations out there, I must say. Fantastic!! Excellent writing all round. Though watch out for using two words which mean the same thing – eg slowly slipped off Mum and Dad’s heads gradually.

A couple of stand-out bits for special mention –

Lily Pringle from St Martins for this great descriptive passage – My feet were drowned in my tears and my face was as red as a beetroot. Thousands of thoughts raced through my head like a cheetah running at full speed.

Two thumbs up for Dan Clarke from Tighes Hill. One for adding a little humour in the perfect moment. With his parents frying on the bed and the house starting to go up in flames, his character thinks – “I’ll get a big power bill after this!” And a second thumbs-up for the cliff-hanger ending – Two figures loom out of the smoke and a voice is heard, “Are you ready to die, son?”

Chloe Read from St Cuthberts made me laugh with her fabulous line – My science teacher; Mr. McArthy the man two years older than me, 20. He fell in love with me at first sight. He’d do anything for me. Not saying that I would return the favour.

And you can’t do much better than Meghan Valins from Evans Bay Intermediate – World domination, I think to myself, doesn’t come without its sacrifices.

It was incredibly difficult to pick a winner. As with any story it all comes down to personal taste in the end. So for me the story which stuck its nose in front of all the others and won by a tiny fraction was the one which showed the writer was really thinking outside the box. Instead of continuing the story, Ollie from Central School went back in time to tell us how we reached our starting point – and completely turned the whole story starter on its head. Suddenly the boy we originally thought was the hero (or villain) of the story is just another victim … of an evil dog. Brilliant! Well done, Ollie. Please email FABO to let me know if you’d like a copy of Megasaurus Mash-up #1 or #2 OR a set of my Pop Hooper’s Perfect Pets series.

Kyle’s beginning Sentences:

Dad started to roll over, but I held him down firmly. I couldn’t risk him turning onto his side. He might notice the tight metal band around his head. Or hear the mechanism softly ticking above his ear. Beads of sweat dotted my forehead as I waited. If he woke up now and saw the screwdriver hovering above him, he’d know right away what I was up to. My whole plan would be ruined.

With a loud sigh, his body relaxed. Deflating like a balloon. A second later he was snoring loudly again.

I quickly adjusted the band then tightened the last screw, locking the mind control crown in place. I glanced across at Mum sleeping peacefully beside him. Her hair had fallen forward, concealing her crown beneath a thick fringe. If you didn’t know the device was there, you’d hardly notice it.

Perfect, I thought.

I flicked the switches of the remote controls. Two small lights started blinking in the middle of my parents’ foreheads.

“Wake up,” I commanded.

Ollie’s Winning Story

The day before…

The dog with black and white fur, with sharp gleaming eyes, with a small fuzzy tail, had been in my room lying on my cozy bean bag.

“THAT’S IT!!” I yelled, “I DECLARE WAR ON YOU”. All the dog did was look up at me with cute adoring eyes.

“Why” I thought, “Does everyone find him so cute? When I say everyone, I mean everyone, my sister, my mum and dad, my friends, probably even the prime minister for all I knew”.

And then it hit me, I could create a device, so that the dog could understand me.

So I set to work, with thingamabobs & sharp dangerous knives, pulling & pushing things apart, then finally I was done.

I held it to the light admiring it, then I put some food together and called the dog over.

He slowly padded over to me, gobbled the food and stalked off without any thanks. “Typical” I thought.

As I went to sleep I had dreams of a glorious day’s ruling our dog MHAWHAHAHA MWHAHAHA.

But that wasn’t going happen as I would soon find out…

Meanwhile at the dog house (A.K.A the mansion)

“Put that there and then here, then done”, the dog picked up the strange device and slowly padded though to the boys bedroom and waited for him to wake up

As the dog waited for him to wake, he couldn’t help but crack into a small high pitched laugh.

As I opened my sticky eyes I saw the dog staring at me.

“What” I mumbled and I felt a small tremble though my body. The small dog looked me in the eye and woofed “Do as I say.”

”Yes master” I replied coolly.

Seven hours later

Dad started to roll over but I held him down firmly…

A couple hours later…

‘Yes’ they answered.

The dog slowly walked in like a general inspecting his troops,

“COME” he barked

“YES SIR” we all shouted back.

As we walked away I thought what would have been the last thought I ever had – “Wow he’s leading us to take over the world”…

Advertisements

Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s