Posted in fabo story, The Winners!

Michele’s FABO Report – The Winner!

Wow, you see a teacher with spikes and you guys go nuts! ☺ Congratulations on having such fantastic and vivid imaginations all of you. There were flame dragons, fat dragons, and lots of teachers with tails. There were disappearing schools, fish, giant hedgehogs, tuatara teachers, mind controlling phones, centaurs, thunder cookies, sugar-free lollypop-spikes, mosquitos, lots of aliens and deadly green desk melting acid. An honourable mention goes to Montana Harper for the way she both packed soooo many creatures into her stories, from Medusa to Skin Walkers!

What impressed me the most was the complex sentence structure that many of you are using, making your writing “voice” really clear and original. Keep that up. And there was a great understanding of the power of metaphor and simile too. An honourable mention has to go to Victoria Guo with her masterful use of description, I loved the line “The windows were cracked like his broken knowledge” very evocative. To Lily Bond, for her vivid descriptions of the strange things going on in Neal’s new town. And to Ashton Cook for giving his teacher’s once shrivelled arms a big enough work out that they became “muscular as if he had been bench-pressing for the last fifty years.”

I also really liked the use of dialogue. Some of you made excellent use of it to keep up the pace of your story and to draw us in to the action. Well done. A special mention for that goes to Zennah Shin-Kelso.

A quick note to keep in mind for next year. Remember punctuation. Most of you have done a great job with your sentence structure, but commas and full stops can mean the difference between a long string of ideas, and a great story that takes the reader on a journey.

There were so many great entries I have to give out places to some of the truly fabo stories that were so close to taking out the big win:

Second Runners Up – Holly Druce (Upper Moutere School), Kyra Laing (Kingsway School) and Kowhai Mokaraka (Glen Eden Intermediate)

First Runners Up – Finn Wescombe from Aidanfield Christian School, Hannah Mangnall from Tasman School and Bessie Martin, from Houghton Valley School, one of the youngest entrants in the competition!

School Award: Massive round of High Fives to everyone at Upper Moutere School (including your teachers), there were so many of you who entered and your efforts were fantastic. Great job.

But there can only be one winner and this week it’s Louie Morris from Upper Moutere School, who proves you don’t have to have the longest entry to win. This was a great entry with lots of action, which kept the pace up and descriptions that took us along for the ride. Congratulations Louie, a prize will be in the post to you when you let us know your postal address.

Winner: Louie Morris (Upper Moutere School)

And not even in the metaphorical way. Neal had noticed that his finger-pads were strangely long and sharp, almost like claws. But everyone in this school was strange. Just last week, the principle had opened her door and shouted “FLABBERGORF!” Neal didn’t know what to make of this, so he hurried on his way.

He was roused from his dreamlike state by the lunch bell’s “dingdong”. The teacher muttered something incoherent, turned away from the class and laid his hands on the desk. As Neal filed by with the rest of his classmates, he saw deep gouges in the desk, and wood splinters all over Mr. Mcully’s shirtsleeves. Neal looked up into his teacher’s face and gasped. Mr. Mcully’s eyes were as white as milk. Not a drop of colour in them. His face was a mask of dark spikes, drifting about like nettles in the wind, searching for something. But just as quick as he had seen them, His teacher’s pupils rolled back into place, the mysterious feelers dissolved and he blinked. Neal did his best not to scream and ran from the classroom. He sprinted round the corner, and crashed into a student carrying an enormous stack of papers. They flew everywhere. He stumbled blindly through the hailstorm of white, groping for something, anything. His hand nudged a doorknob and he wrenched it sideways and promptly fell down two flights of stairs, knocking his head on the way down. He rolled to a stop, and felt the dark fingers of unconsciousness reach for him. He slept.

He awoke warm and groggy. His vision cleared, and he found himself lying at the bottom of some stairs. He stood up and winced. His ankle was definitely twisted, and his entire body was covered in bruises. He took a step forward and bit back a scream. Lances of dagger-like pain shot up his leg, making his eyes sting and his teeth clench. He looked around, and saw a part of the school he had never visited before. The walls were pitted and scarred, and a strange purple light illuminated the walls. Neal limped forward, over the craters in the floor. The light grew stronger and stronger, until he rounded the corner and nearly fell over again. There stood Mr. Mcully, in all his spikes-and-no-eyes glory. The purple light was coming from enormous tanks filled with a gelatinous liquid. Inside those tanks…were his classmates. Neal emitted a high girly scream and tripped over himself in his haste to exit that horrible room. But Mr. Mcully clearly had other ideas. Excitedly, he curled into a bristly ball and rolled across the room. Faster than Neal could blink, Mr. Mcully was beside him. He grabbed him by the neck and marched him over to one of the tanks. Neal was thrust into the liquid. He struggled to hold his breath, his lungs burning. He breathed in…And fell asleep.


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