Posted in The Winner

Maureen’s FABO Judge’s Report

Wow! There were some very imaginative stories! I had to do two rounds of judging! They were so good.

I was amazed at all the different things that could have come out of the shed….
Skunks as pets….
Escaping bunnies
Phoenix….
Pet mutant chainsaws…. (Ummm) and there were even enchanted chainsaws!
Monkeys
Evil chickens
Black panthers
Pedigree leprechauns…
Mutated fries…(I’m never eating McDonalds again…)
Pigs
Countless dogs…
Dragons…
Justin Bieber tickets…
Alligators…

The best lines made me snort with laughter.
Tobey imitated a fish and held his breath by Finn Wescombe

He was like a supermarket, never closing at night by Dihini Thasanga

A wild clatter of rubble sounded from within the carnage by Maia Bird

There was a long silence, where Mary gripped her floral dress tightly, Jim stared into space and Daniel picked a scab by Molly Dowling

“We’re going to die like the floral shirt trend did in the late 1990’s.” by Jake Earnest

There were 67 stories including some from India and Australia.

A lot of writers had fantastic situations. This is fine if the events leading up to them occur logically. If a giant dinosaur comes out of nowhere and eats the shed… and then just fades out of the story, it leaves a lot of questions. You have to wonder where the dinosaur came from? Why anyone didn’t spot it, as it’s so big and what happens next? So try to be logical in your fantasy.

It is great to see punctuation and attention to spelling. This showed attention to detail which helped lift a story into the second round.

The stories that made it into the second round were stories that had a logical ending after a well thought out middle.

Great attention to detail, Sky! I never thought of Pedigree™ Dog Treats! (Warning always look closely at the back of the pack.)
Lily likes the spooky touch with possible haunting of the school by a lady in a floral dress. (Hmmmm.)
Jake was on the hunt for an amazing antidote…
Jess had the amazing prized pink pedigree poodle….(Go on say that 5 times fast…)
Molly had the giant caterpillar… (I am now carefully inspecting the garden…)
Cole- The science club has a nuclear powered rocket? (It’s amazing what you learn in schools…)
Anna was fascinated with time capsules.
Nathan had the shed avenging caretaker with the time machine.

The winner is Cate Tipler from St Cuthberts. Cate, can you contact us with an address, school or home so we can send a prize out to you.

Thank you to all the lovely people who want to be Beta Readers for me. I will be contacting you in a few days to let you know what I want you to do.

Maureen

Cate Tipler’s Story

The school caretaker looked at the remains of his storage shed. “What a mess.” He shook his head. Scientists were calling it a localised earthquake. There was the heap of rubble in front of him.
Very localised, he thought. Just his shed.

The principal patted his arm. “I’m sorry. The insurance company is calling it an Act of God so they won’t pay out any money to help us rebuild it.”

“All my tools were in there,” the caretaker sighed. “The school tractor is under there and the mower…. All the paint and the pool chemicals are in there too….”

There was a slight shifting in the bricks and dirt then a slide of debris cascaded down.

The principal backed away quickly.

The caretaker stared in horror. “Oh no! I forgot I left….”

The school caretaker looked at the remains of his storage shed. “What a mess.” He shook his head. Scientists were calling it a localised earthquake. There was the heap of rubble in front of him.

Very localised, he thought. Just his shed.

The principal patted his arm. “I’m sorry. The insurance company is calling it an Act of God so they won’t pay out any money to help us rebuild it.”

“All my tools were in there,” the caretaker sighed. “The school tractor is under there and the mower…. All the paint and the pool chemicals are in there too….”

There was a slight shifting in the bricks and dirt then a slide of debris cascaded down.

The principal backed away quickly.

The caretaker stared in horror. “Oh no! I forgot I left: Charity in there!”

A school student was leaning against a wall reading a book. She lifted her head to nod at her friends. and then she noticed Frank and the small group of children around him.

“I’m going to go see if Frank’s okay.” The student said to her friends.

“Hannah and I want you to decide now. Is he your brother or not.” Alicia’s friend Lavender winked overdramatically.

“Yeah Haha and stuff.” Alicia replied.

Alicia stood up, her cheeks bright red and her dark brown hair blowing against her pale face. As she walked off she could hear Hannah yell behind her “We’re only kidding!”

“WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED!” Frank quickly turned around, stubbing his toe in the process.. Alicia stood tall towering over him, her icy grey-blue eyes pierced Frank’s hazel eyes menacingly. “MUM IS GOING TO KILL YOU!” Alicia whacked Frank in the head a couple of times with the big ‘Amazing Creatures and where they lurk’ book she was holding.

“No offence but I’ve got bigger problems like maybe the fact that Charity was in there!” Frank looked dramatically at the shed, his face red and his pale fists clenched.
Alicia knew that Frank was DEFINITELY dead now. When she didn’t get a place at Harvard who could she blame but the principle’s daughters cat? A CAT had stopped her from going to University. A CAT!

Frank started digging some rubble. “Well the cat might be alive….”

Half-heartedly Alicia started pulling away bits of the shed.

Alicia and Frank lost track of time, two boys came up and started helping them. The boys went by the name “The Pedigree Gang” She hoped they were joking.

Shortly after that the principle came by, she was wearing a floral top and persuasively gliding round the school convincing in her usual snobby manner that the insurance people should pay for a new tennis court. Spring flowers danced behind her to the rapidly picking up breeze. Heavy charcoal grey clouds were approaching. There was going to be a storm and soon.

Alicia turned around the playground was a ghost town. Lunch must be over. The two boys saw she noticed and smiled at her. “We only came because it would give us an excuse to miss learning about Supernova’s at class!”

Suddenly, Modesty walked past. She was Charity’s owner. She looked worried. She was snuggling a grey kitten with smoky grey feet. The cat was purring powerfully. “Ummm just before this happened I took Charity out so she is well…”

“Not dead!” One of the boys screamed cheerfully. Modesty nodded solemnly. Alicia sprinted up and embraced Modesty so awkwardly she almost barrelled Modesty over.

The principle practically danced over to Alicia. “Good news, the sheds being rebuilt, turns out it’s a fault in the tractor!” Everyone laughed nervously as they were so frightened about what the principle could of said.

“Why do you all stink of dust and old shed parts?” The principal asked.

“Long story!” Frank stated, feeling relieved.

By Cate Tipler.

Advertisements

Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s