Posted in fabo story, The Winner

Fabo Story Judges Report – Helen Vivienne Fletcher

Thank you to everyone who sent in a story this round. This is my first year judging Fabo Story, and I had no idea what a tough job it was going to be! There were so many wonderful stories, I had a hard time choosing just one.

I really liked that many of you had thought about what types of technology we might have in the future. Evangeline Speedy’s suspended animation made a great twist to normal detentions, Sophie’s imagery room sounded like it could be a lot of fun, and Noa Smith’s protect droids (which reversed all the damage of the explosion) would come in very handy! Holly Allison polluted future with acid rain and nuclear storms also clearly had a lot of thought put into it.

I also liked that many of you introduced new complications and threats to keep David and Ella on their toes. Isaac’s giant mutated rat was a clever addition to the story, as were Jessie Avison’s Quibbleyxroms. There were also some fantastic ideas about Aramaya – Indigo Ciara Tomlinson’s imagining of this character was one that stood out, with some well-written description.

It was also nice to see some humour coming through in some of the stories. Jasmine B in particular did a great job of creating some funny banter between Ella and David in amongst the serious situations they found themselves in.

There are many more fantastic ideas I could mention, but I know you’re all itching to find out the final result, so on to the winner…. Congratulations Jeromia Lin!

Jeromia’s story had an exciting beginning, middle and end, and I was also particularly impressed with the use of description. I felt like I could see everything that was happening throughout the story.

You can read Jeromia’s story below.

Congratulations to everyone who entered. You should all be really proud of yourselves. There will be a new story started posted soon, so I hope you all keep writing and entering your fabulous stories.

Jeromia’s Story

Lights flickered on and off inside the school building, their sparks bouncing across the gray exterior of the walls. The sounds were getting louder now, banging and popping filling the atmosphere with an unearthly noise. The screams and yelling of the children were drowned out by the explosions, their booms rumbling and vibrating the ground. David’s back was dripping with sweat, as his clammy hands fumbled across the ground, looking for Ratty. A sudden hiss interrupted his search. Ratty was tangled in a strange man’s arms, biting and clawing and scratching at his arms, struggling to break free. “I have him.”

The bubble was sticking to Ella’s hair as she ran, screaming and shouting for David. She had lost him amongst the chaos, with students and teachers running around screaming. Finally, she spotted him and ran over, relief flooding through her body. “David, I found you! Where’s Rat-” Ella broke off with a gasp. The man had a long black cloak that was blowing in the wind, its sides encrusted with precious jewels. His eyes were unreal, like the heart of a storm, cloudy grey and silver with pale flecks of white. What was most surprising was his arms. They were wrapped in silver cloth, except the cloth was glowing with an unearthly glow. Ratty seemed to be fighting against it- he was batting the man’s arms, trying to free himself from his grip. The man spoke, his voice a strange rasp. “I want your rat.”

The strange man in the black cloak spoke like a hissing, rasping snake. His voice seemed to scratch the surface, and Ella flinched at the sound. “Your rat is much more special than you think.” He licked the sides of his lips, and continued. “He has a special gift, one that is only found once in every millennia. He has the power to control time. Using my extractor, I can control this power myself.” His eyes started to glow, and the air began to hiss and crackle with heat. Then Ella did the first, most unexpected thing she could think of. She took off her bubble and threw it at him.

The man was knocked to the ground, and Ratty scrambled out of his grasp. The atmosphere began to warp, and the man disappeared into an ominous fog. Then everything was black.

Ella and David had saved the world. For now.

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