This week we had over 40 entries and almost as many original ideas. It’s great to see so much imagination out there! There was everything from menacing gnomes, evil witches and nasty kidnappers to time travel and alternative realities. Even a phoenix made an appearance. I was especially fascinated to see almost all of you decided poor Mrs Hutley was not a very nice person, even though there was nothing to suggest that in the opener.
A few writers had wonderfully original ideas and some excellent writing that drew me into their stories… but lost their nerve at the crucial moment. Not mentioning any names (James, Cassandra and Faith), but everyone please take out a marker pen and write “IT CANNOT JUST BE A DREAM” on your foreheads. Better yet, get someone to tattoo it there. A dream is almost never the best answer, especially when there are much more exciting possibilities following your original ideas. If you have a brilliant, original idea it is a writing CRIME to use the “it was all a dream” card.
Although it’s not always necessary to tie up all the loose ends, some writers really left the story hanging a bit too much. Your stories finished with another beginning or mystery instead of an ending. Of course, sometimes it does work. Charlize, for example, rescued her family and then… “ran back home to a land of happiness. Well, until Baxter was found on our driveway with a garden fork in his chest! Everyone forgets about the dog!”
Some special mentions for especially original ideas –
Benjamin pulled me into an exciting world of espionage with the LKSO battling the evil KDC (Kerikeri Department of Chaos) and their Interdimensional Channelling Generator.
Both Sophie and John turned into gnomes, but they did it in very different ways. And the quality of their writing meant both stories were in my top five.
And, lastly, I really liked Isha’s story in which her parents turned into cave people and were living happily in that troublesome hedge.
There were a lot of great sentences in your stories, too. Some memorable examples –
Arabella – Suddenly I realize that I appear to be completely unprofitable.
Amber – Abruptly my parents start burgeoning into their ordinary annoying selves.
Gina – The bricks were a splash of brown and red.
Bianca – The days went by and I made friends with the beavers who helped me make my house.
Payton – The sun is shining on me like a light would in a play. It is 45 degrees and I think I am going to be a human swimming pool if I can’t get out of here.
Celia – The man has a perplexed look on his face, it looks like they had just blind-folded him and made him eat a giant cockroach.
And my favourite sentence of the week goes to Rhiannon – My future form wafts away, drifting off in tiny dazzling pieces.
Choosing a winner was really difficult. In fact, it was so difficult I decided not to award any prizes at all… What? Really? No, not really. So this week’s winner is Mike from Gosford Public School who not only took the story in a completely different direction to everyone else, but I think he writes with confidence and considerable power. Yay, Mike! If you can email us here at Fabo and let me know which episode of my new Dragon Knight series you’d like, I’ll pop it in the mail.
Kyle’s Story Starter
My feet begin to drag along the footpath, getting slower and slower. If I walked any slower I’d be walking backwards. As I turn into my street, the thought of walking backwards starts sounding pretty good. I’d do just about anything not to get home. Not after what happened at school today.
It wasn’t my fault. Not directly my fault, anyway. OK, so it was my idea. But I never imagined anyone would actually do it. If I did, I wouldn’t have been anywhere near the place when it happened, would I? I’m not that dumb.
But my parents aren’t going to believe that. Not with my reputation.
I study the cracks in the concrete, wishing one of them would open up and swallow me whole. But no such luck.
When I glance up, I’m surprised to discover I’m standing in front of Mrs Hutley’s house. Her evil gnomes are staring right at me, daring me to enter. Which means I’ve walked right past my house. Weird. That’s never happened before. I must have been really distracted. For a split second I consider just keeping going. I could run away and join the circus. Or live under a bridge. Or…
I turn and reluctantly retrace my steps. There’s a thick, unruly hedge between Mrs Hutley’s house and ours. Dad is always complaining about it. He says if it spills into our yard any further our house will be swallowed whole. He’s been trying to convince the Council to remove it for years. But no luck so far. So he spends most weekends battling the unstoppable green tide.
I pass the hedge… then stutter to halt.
I’m standing before a white picket fence embroidered with pink roses. There’s just one problem – our house doesn’t have a picket fence. Or roses. I hurry along to the gate. My heart is pounding in my chest as I bend down to read the brass number 11. I spin round and hurry back the other way. Past the hedge to where a grinning gnome perches beside a letterbox holding a bright red 15.
I stumble back to the hedge and stand there, blinking furiously. My eyes refuse to believe what they see. Or don’t see. But my brain knows better.
My house is gone.
Mike’s Winning Story
The space between the houses is gone and now the two houses converge in a messy sort of single. I can’t believe it. The exact same thing happened at school. I walked into the classroom and expected to see my desk next to my friends desk. but there was nothing there. just the two desks on either side of me squashed into a two meter long irregular object. The same with my locker and favorite bench. This was weird. All my things are disappearing into shapeless balls of materials. Suddenly I am shaken back into the real world by a giant ball of crystal smashing up through the ground in front of me. The large,green crystal lands with a thud and I notice that it has tiny cracks that look like closed eyes. They open. I scream and fall back onto the hard concrete. The large yellow orbs glowing malevolently as slowly the ball unravels itself and shakes the dust from it’s hulking figure. It’s a monster. It looks like a human just bigger and covered in crystalline shards at crazy angles. I start to back away but it reaches down and picks me up. It puts me in a crack on it’s back and closes it up with a piece of his arm. All around me the crystals glow with pure light and the cool hard rock of the giant on my arms is really relaxing. I think I might just take a nap. I wake with a jolt. I have stopped moving around and there is a crack of sunlight peering through a gap in the rock. With a splintering sound to fill one thousand rooms, the great big rock lifted up and daylight poured in like warm golden water. The first look I have is of a vast range of crystal. there are crystal trees and flowers and birds and bees. The giant tells me the whole story. his voice is like music to my ears. He told me of great provinces and daring adventures to foreign lands he told of fantastic friends and power hungry miners. He told of over world collapse because of long forgotten crystal mines trying to find this crystal paradise. That explains the chairs and the house and the bench. suddenly I look down, my body feels rigid. A grey haze is working it’s way up my torso. I am growing out and up. I am now a rock giant.he doesn’t need to tell me that i’ll be here forever,standing strong for all crystals.
I already know.